While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
