I can tuck mytits in my pants
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
