Just fell off a train. Bad.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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