Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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