You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
