um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
