Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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