Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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