I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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