I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
