The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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