After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
