I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
