I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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