so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
