STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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