Please, let me fuck your mom
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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