I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize