It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
