Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
