Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
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