That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We named our party play list daddy issues
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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