I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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