Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
