well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
