i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
