im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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