On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
