At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
