I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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