Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
