I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
