Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize