Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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