I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
