I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
