I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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