I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
