my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
