His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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