there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
