How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
