What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
