Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
