Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
