I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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