If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
