Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
