I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
