you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
