I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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