fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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