Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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