what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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