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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
