so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
