my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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