"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
