ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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