I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
