Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
