i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wear drunk well.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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