If i come over, it means nothing
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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