from now on my penis is your penis
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also, beer. Big fan.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My feet surprised me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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