Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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