ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
