You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
