So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
