No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
