I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
