I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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