Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
