Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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