my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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