this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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