You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
