dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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