Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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