me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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