Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
