Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize