Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
