Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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