i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
