i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
