I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
