I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
