They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
