I hate your face
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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