just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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