I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
