You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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