Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
