Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
